Last night in my dreams, Micah was sitting at my kitchen table eating a bowl of cheerios. I ran up to him and hugged him from behind, and he laughed and I laughed and then we were both laughing there together in the kitchen, hugging. It was such a happy moment.

Sometimes the cloud lifts and I fully comprehend how bad this is.
I can't believe Micah is not here and I will never see him again. It's something I cannot warp my mind around. Sometimes it makes me question his existence to begin with. I have these amazing memories of this incredible, warm, happy, bright time in my life; where I laughed and loved and lived...and I have all the pictures, messages, clothing, documents to prove it. Yet how can the origin of this be taken away so quickly, and the things around it remain so strong? How can I have everything else but the one person that brought everything else? I can't comprehend that.

I carry your heart with me.

"i carry your heart with me"
a poem by ee cummings.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of the tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the starts apart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart).

micah, i carry your heart with me.