Home again.

Phew. Home from Chicago. It was fun, but it was exhausting. It made me realize that driving 10+ hours to Illinois and surrounding myself with complete strangers does not make the grief go away. Its like I'm carrying my own U-Haul of grief behind me, wherever I go...I can't escape it--even if I wanted to! Also, it was weird to realize that somehow the world is still moving on---and mostly everyone does not even know who Micah is, let alone that he died. Sometimes I find myself getting angry at strangers for not knowing, but I guess that's not fair to them. Think of how many people die daily, and I don't stop my life for them. But still...in my opinion, the whole WORLD should be stopped and EVERYONE should be crying.

The one thing about the long drive was that I got to think--a lot. I taped Micah's senior picture to my window, so I just sat there and looked at him. It made a lot of memories resurface, which is always good. Here's some things I remembered. I made a list.

10 Random Facts About Micah.
1. Micah's favorite color was brown, he once told me. (But maybe he was just saying that because I have brown eyes and he was trying to win me over...)

2. Micah's ideal outfit to wear was a t-shirt (preferably gray), loose jeans, and sandals. Always the sandals. Yes, even in the middle of winter. This is why I am not in the least bit surprised that Micah was wearing sandals during the accident.

3. Micah's ideal outfit for a girl to wear was, ironically, the ideal outfit for him to wear: jeans, a t-shirt, and sandals. One time we told each other our "ideal outfits for the opposite sex," and the next day we both wore them to school, for each other. I forget what mine was, except that I told him to spike his hair. Sure enough, the next day Micah walked into school with gelled hair. What a cutie.

4. Micah liked to over-analyze. We always said that I was the indecisive one, while he was the over-analyzer. I guess he just liked to think through things in his head. Lucky for me, he was very decisive. Still, I think it was a stretch for him to date me, because I really didn't care what we did on dates, whereas Micah liked to know things ahead of time. He would always say, "BECCA! BE DECISIVE!"Haha, he always had patience for me.

5. Micah loved to eat. I mean, who doesn't, but Micah really truly loved to eat. He would always complain that he was going to get fat the second his metabolism slowed down. The great thing was that he wasn't a picky eater--he'd eat anything. Also, he was very adventurous. Whenever we went out to eat, he would simply ask the server what they thought was good, and get what they told him! I was always so baffled...I was just content with my guaranteed hamburger and fries. Just one example of how he lived up life, always up for a risk.

6. Micah loved his clothes. He loved to be fashionable. It was never an overly in-your-face-fashion; it was just his own "cool" style. He loved anything that was laid back, or anything that was original. He liked bright colors. And he loved hoodies. And shoes. And sunglasses. And jeans with holes. We always had a blast going Goodwill-ing together. I'm going to miss looking for clothes for him, as I usually did when I was out anywhere. Even giving him a cheap shirt made him so happy, so I always looked for clothes that screamed "Micah."

7. Micah hated being bored. He loved adventure. He was spontaneous, and that's why it was so fun to be his girlfriend. He would just call me and we'd go do something random, like wearing ridiculous hats to McDonald's, or hanging out at Prince Street. We both were so grateful that we only lived 10 minutes away from each other (8 mintues Micah boasted, if he sped.) Our relationship would have been so different if we wouldn't have been able to the tiny, but fun things like that. I miss my best friend.

8. Micah loved to surprise me. There were cards left on my front door...fish in the tub...a hamster in my room...12 roses on Valentine's day...notes under my pillow...a scavenger hunt for banquet. He would always surprise me after work by showing up at my house. Usually he'd call me and make it sound like he was home; but then he'd randomly go, "Look outside!" And then I'd run to the window, and he'd be outside leaning against his car, with his phone in his hand, and I'd laugh and run out to meet him.

9. Micah loved life. Sometimes when I'd ask him how his day was, he'd say, "I love life!"

10. Micah was a real person. I know that's such a stupid and obvious statement, but sometimes its nice to remember that, and I say it to myself. He woke up in the morning like anyone else, he brushed his teeth; he had his ups and downs; he had his bad moods. He had thoughts running through his head; he had dreams at night, he had preferences of people he'd rather not hang out with, he wondered what the future would be like.
When it comes down to it, I miss this Micah, the real person of him, the part that was human. As his girlfriend, it was my job to understand him and be there for him...we talked everyday, we were there for eachother, and we knew eachother like the backs of our own hands. That's why its hard sometimes to hear other peoples interpretations of him, people that didn't know him as well and don't know what to say. Its hard to hear distant people talk about him, when I knew Micah at the deepest level of knowing someone. He wasn't just a senior that died and had "no regrets" as his motto--he was just Micah; how do I describe that to others?
Sigh...it's just hard. Life is hard. Nothing else I can say except those words.

Well, there's some ramblings from my head today.