GRRRRR! Right now its 3:03 in the morning, and I'm in an angry mood. I'm so angry that Micah is dead. I'm so angry my life is like this. I'm so angry that this is still happening---can't it be over already? Can't he just come back now? It's been long enough without him and I don't have patience right now to "wait for everything to get better." I want Micah back and I'm just ANGRY. Grrr.
I think I'm losing my tolerance for watching other couples. Up until this point I've told myself I'm okay about it, but I think I'm just plain lying to myself. Especially here at the beach for senior week, young couples seem to pop out at me like never before. Strolling on the beach, holding hands, sitting in cute restaurants and laughing, staring romantically into eachother's eyes...smiles on their faces like they've never experienced any difficulties before. I find myself getting so angry that they have it so good. And not even that, but they don't know they have it so good. Can't you see that one of you could be dead? Can't you see that you're taking for granted the simplest, most everyday things that I yearn for so much now? If you knew it'd be the last time he held your hand, would you hold it a little tighter? If you knew his last "goodnight" would last for the rest of your lifetime, would you cherish it more, appreciate every second?
Why is the worst most possible thing that could happen to a couple happening to me? Why us, of all people? We were so innocent and still so young--but we had so much of a future. We were so in love, even though that cheesy statement doesn't seem to cover it. If it was so unbelievably good, so perfect for both of us, why did it have to change so quickly into such a nightmare?
How could both of our futures be so drastically changed in a matter of several seconds? That is the question I ask that makes me want to scream and bang my fists against the floor like a little girl tantrum, because it's not fair.
It is 3:55. I need to sleep. I'm still angry, but maybe sleep will bring a new perspective, at least for now.
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A Recipe for Healing
Directions:
Be creative. Trust your instincts. Cry when you want to, laugh when you can. Choose the size pot that fits your loss. Season with memories; stir often.
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Be creative. Trust your instincts. Cry when you want to, laugh when you can. Choose the size pot that fits your loss. Season with memories; stir often.
_
About this blog
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During the night of April 6, 2009, my boyfriend, Micah, was in a serious head-on car accident and was airlifted to the hospital in critical condition. Micah was taken off life-support and died on April 8 surrounded by his family and friends, after about a day and a half of deteriorating.
I started this blog after the accident as a way to share my thoughts and writings as I experienced Micah's death and the following year.
It has now been 6 years since the accident but I've continued to write (at least sporadically) as my grief morphs and leads me.
Please feel free to subscribe or read what you wish.
If you are a "widowed-girlfriend," I would be glad to talk to you. To contact me, please email me at rebeccakraybill@gmail.com. Know that there is hope in the days and years to come.
Thanks for your continued prayers and support.
-Becca-
--------------------
During the night of April 6, 2009, my boyfriend, Micah, was in a serious head-on car accident and was airlifted to the hospital in critical condition. Micah was taken off life-support and died on April 8 surrounded by his family and friends, after about a day and a half of deteriorating.
I started this blog after the accident as a way to share my thoughts and writings as I experienced Micah's death and the following year.
It has now been 6 years since the accident but I've continued to write (at least sporadically) as my grief morphs and leads me.
Please feel free to subscribe or read what you wish.
If you are a "widowed-girlfriend," I would be glad to talk to you. To contact me, please email me at rebeccakraybill@gmail.com. Know that there is hope in the days and years to come.
Thanks for your continued prayers and support.
-Becca-
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