Thoughts that come late in the night when sleep is unreachable:

There is a weird correlation between missing and remembering.

On the days I do not remember, I almost do not miss. I might feel a deep inner feeling of emptiness, but it is so deep that it may feel natural, even normal.

But then there are the days where I remember.
I remember kind green eyes and a rambunctious laugh and a gentle spirit and a caring best friend. And then the remembering outlines the empty hole in my life, and there is nothing left to fill it but missing.

Must you always remember to miss?

What if one day I do not remember? What, then, will bring the cherished memories flooding back? And if I don't have memories, what will I have?

I want to live in a way that remembers you and then integrates you into my life. I want to carry you with me so I can never lose you again. I want you to be proud of me for living for you, but also for myself.

"I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me, to see the beauty of the world in my own eyes..."